Thursday, July 26, 2007

Great Evils, Part the First

Second Life is not all fun and games. In the vast space of Second Life, thousands of myriad dreams play out the whims and desires of thousands.

But some of those dreams are nightmares.

Today, I am going to introduce you to one of those nightmares. Please, do not stand back in horror at the sight of it. It is all for your own good to witness:

Figure.1: A female ageplayer (Avatarius kinderlocus)

This great and most horrid evil of the land is called the "Ageplayer". They are easily spotted by their hideously small frame, resembling a child in appearance. Also note the choice of clothing: Disney overalls with sky blue sneakers, again, mimicking a human child.

In behaviour they also mimic human children, for reasons I shall divulge soon. They can be seen of the company of 'parents', or 'playing' with other ageplayers in a herd commonly called 'A bunch of snot nosed brats'. They have the ability to craft and utilize crude objects they call 'toys'.

Now, one may be asking themselves why the Ageplayer is so infamous and evil. The answer is many fold. The first is that Ageplayers eat other avatars. They lure them in by imitating kids, so when the hapless avatar goes to help the 'poor lost confused child', they are eaten alive attachments and all. Here is a rare photo of an ageplayer entrapping its prey:

Figure.2: Ageplayer stalking its prey, an Avatar (Avatarius Sapiens)

Another great evil the Ageplayer purposefully creates is that of confusing the innocent ... pixelers. What are pixelers? The people in Second Life who... pixel... each other. With their pixels. Into the other's pixel.

And it's hard enough on Pixelers these days, with the Lindens cracking down on depictions of child porn in SL and the Lindens' unceasing efforts to destroy... pixeling... scripts, without adding in kinder-lookalikes to the mix. After all, suppose someone walked in on a Pixeler, and saw he/she/it was pixeling an ageplayer, which looks like a sweet innocent child. Imagine how that would play out in the SLustice system.

To all Pixelers out there, be forewarned! Before you engage your pixel to theirs in pixeling, make sure you are pixeling another avatar, and not an ageplayer!

We shall end with some methods of dispelling an ageplayer. This depends highly upon the strength of the ageplayer involved. For most, a simple shout of "Pedophile!" or "AR'd!!!" will cause them to flee and occasionally spontaneously combust in fright. Remember these two words, and you shall avoid the bulk of the lot.

For much stronger ageplayers, we advise that you do not attempt to handle it yourself. Retreat if you can, avoid confrontation at all costs. If you must fight the Ageplayer, attempt to garner multiple friends and unleash ARs upon said ageplayer. If all else fails, pray to the Almighty Lindens to spare your lives in the face of such an evil.

If you encounter a pack of ageplayers, no matter how weak they are, you must run! Only a Great Linden wields the necessary power to overcome such heinous villains.

Please stay tuned for a lecture on another Great Evil, "The Nude Newbie", coming soon. We will also test your understanding of the Ageplayer at that time.


Anonymous said...

You probably will not post this, And that is ok. I know you will read it. I play a child avitar in second life. And while yes there are many there who are not innocent, let me assure you that I know many who are. My child avi acts and speaks in a Pg if not G rated manner. The sim she lives on is a pg sim, and anyone who suggests she do otherwise is reported immediatly. There are some there hon who are only doing in Second Life what many many others are doing. Something you can do in real life and that is be a child again. I had a horid childhood, sl provides a safe and sane place if i am careful where i can have a fraction of that, that i missed. Also let me assure you that the innocent child avis are at war against the not innocent pedos as much as the next person. You dont have to understand, and I will not loose any sleep if you do not even try. But you do need to remember that there are real people on the other side of that screen of yours, and we reserve the right to play our game in any way that we choose. Everything I do there is legal in rl, i would be more focused on those who do things in sl that would NOT be legal in rl. Such as rape? verbal assault, harassment. I am signing this anonymous, because i really do not care to be harassed by you in game. I go there to have fun not deal with grief. Open your mind and eyes a little. You just might be surprised. =) Have a great day.

Snuffaluffaguss said...

I friggin HATE child AVs. creepy! they know damn well what is around them but they want to be able to do whatever they want and go where they want in SL. f that! if im getting my groove on in this ADULT world i do not want to have some child teleport in on me. imagine trying to explain that snapshot to someone.
sick turds.

anonomos said...

i play a child avy because i spell awful and to tell the truth i kind find it fun i do not have sex or do anything mature in it and to tell the truth my chiald hood was pritty good so i liked it btw if u tell peaple to screem pedo then tell them to screem it when u see peaple pixaling a chiald avy not when u see a normal child avy walking around having fun i dont ask dumb questions like where am i im lost unless stuf hapens like a big glitch that gets my avy stuck so plaese keep thease rants to your self i dont need that in a game ok?

anonomos said...

btw yes i miss spelled my name on perpose because she/he had it already

Anna J Tsiolkovsky said...

First, to answer Anonymous, I NEVER censor comments. Let's clear that air. I believe in free speech, provided you make a point and don't spam. Feel free to roast me, I will not remove your post. Now, to answer the other comment:

Dearest anonomos,

Please grow a spine. Dear God above, if you react this way to this piece (which you shouldn't as I will outline below) I shudder to think of those who are more direct in their distaste of children avies than me. I don't care about child avatars. Do what you will, it's no problem to me. Snuffa's opinion above is his/her own, not mine, as I don't moderate comments and do not intend to for the sake of your fragile ego.

Please be aware that this piece was intended for humor. Reread it, please. Just take in the over-the-top exaggerations and suggestions. "Make sure the avatar you're pixeling is not a child"? Don't you find it slightly amusing that someone in Second Life would honestly do the horizontal hoe-down and not even know who their partner was? Or that a group of child avies are called "snot nosed brats"? "Pray to the almighty Lindens to spare your lives [from child avies]"? ARing for asking simple questions?

If anyone out there is dumb enough to take this seriously and persecute you, then they were obviously going to persecute you whether they read this or not. If anything, it makes them even more ridiculous in my eyes since they obviously can't read between the lines.

Second, you must think of the time in which I wrote this. At that time, so long ago in 2007, people were outright hysterical about any and all child avies to the point that even petite adult avatars were AR'd (which I can personally attest to, as I am not a super large super model avatar like most of the rest of the grid). In such an atmosphere, I thought it would be funny to distill down the arguments people were presenting at the time and bring them to their logical conclusions. Think of Swift in his "Modest Proposal". Do you really think he wanted people to eat children? If you haven't read it, I suggest you do so and you might understand my poor attempt here to capture some of that spirit.

And finally, no, I will not keep anything to myself. This is my damn blog, I will post what I want, when I want. If someone mocks you inworld because of this post, please tell me the name so I can ridicule them here for being a dunce. But I have never and will not take down a post or restrain myself.

Similarly and on the flip side of the coin, I do not shy away from anything embarrassing I have written, I take responsibility and I never take anything down to save face. Go ahead and take me to task on something. I WILL respond (and may or may not hurt your feelings), but I will not deny or remove anything here. You can say whatever you want (provided it's not spam).

And if you don't like, then don't read anything I write, tell your friends to not read anything I write, and publish your own blog telling people not to read what I write.

I'm sorry if this sounds long, boring, and snarky, but I get tons of emails and a few comments from people like you who do a quick glance, notice I don't laud child avatars as perfect models of citizenry, and flame me on a spit for it. I'm truly sorry, and I believe in another post I addressed this issue, but I want to put this here so people can shut the hell up.

You have, however, shown me that not all child avatars are trying to relive a broken past and that some just enjoy it. And to be honest, your grammar is not that bad, despite what anyone else may have told you. And you do have a good point that my rhetoric could have been toned down. But again, it was supposed to be humor. It has obviously failed, but for the sake of accountability, I will not. I'm sorry.

Have a good one, and very sorry for the long rant.