Sunday, March 9, 2008

The Book of Nunchuck

Qeosi was strolling along in Olive one day, when he saw a great railroad being built with a grand and open train station. "A ha, if I could get a hold of that, surely my people would profit greatly in these hard times." So he came to the owner. "Ha, let you have MY land that I have bought and paid for?" the owner roared. "No sir, I would gladly pay you any amount for this station alone. If you so desire, you could hire it out as a lease and we would pay you ten times over!" "Not on my life would I ever make such a deal with the Ony, the scoundrels they are!" Railer replied.

At this, Qeosi took umbrance and so he plotted a way to take not just the station but the entire line. And he hit upon an idea.

"Good sir, do you have any trains yet?" Qeosi inquired. "Why, no, I do not. I am much more concerned with building the railway first," Railer admitted. "Ah, then let's look at the facts," Qeosi said, putting on as serious business face and pacing back and forth. "You have a railway with no trains. What value is a railway with no trains? Surely people will not pay to buy tickets to walk your line!" Railer nodded his head in agreement.

"Therefore, let us think which is much more valuable at this point: the trains or the train track? All this lovely track is worthless! Terrible! But the man who has the trains, he is going to make a pretty penny, both from selling trains to other railers and from running the trains up and down the line. If only you had some trains. What a pity." Qeosi waited for Railer to bite.

"I don't see why I couldn't pay a builder to make me a train," Railer mused. "Oh good sir, that is great, but consider that a builder will surely see the value in the trains if an Ony could!" Railer acknowledged this, as he thought the Ony stupid and bad in general and better if they all died and were wiped off of SL. "But here, here you are laying down this lovely track. Surely you too could build your own trains! Think of the profits, my friend!"

"Tis a sad day when an Ony makes sense. But what can I do with this railway? I need it for the trains," the Railer heistatingly responded. "A worthless track, yes? Perhaps best if you could pawn it off on some sorry loser!" Qeosi exclaimed. The Railer chuckled, "ANd I suppose I should just turn it over to you? YOu take me for a fool, Qeosi." "No fool sir, because I'm wiling to pay you good for this rail of ours, but not in money!" Again the railer chuckled. "Am I to be paid in mud and sticks then?"

"Fear not, good railer! For us Ony have something more valuable than L$, gold, or the server code. For we have in our possession the very trains you desire, fully copyable and moddable and transferable, all permission, gively to you solely as a gift. Whether or not you decide to reciprocate is entirely up to you." And with this, Qeosi shrugged and walked off to let the Railer stew in his juices.

The railer hated to give anything away, but he saw the wisdom of Qeosi's words and wanted a train, and here was one that was being given away. If it were true that the line was a loss and the engines themselves the true business, then wouldn't it be perfect justice to strike those silly Ony with a worthless gift such as the line?

"Qeosi, you are much to kind," Railer said with a wide beaming grin. Qeosi could see a sprig of broccoli stuck in Railer's teeth. "I shall give the railway to you." And Qeosi jumped for joy and rejoiced. "However, I know your tricks and I want exclusive and free right to run my trains on your rails. For you could easily deny me the rails, yes?"

Qeosi nodded solemnly. "You certainly have me over a barrel, good railer. I shall keep my word to give you access to the rails."

Qeosi's people then set to work laying down the rest of the railroad from Olive to Violet. When they opened the ticket stations, they sold many tickets and made lots and lots of money. When Railer tried to sell tickets to the passengers, they showed him the tickets Qeosi had sold them. Railer became angry. "Those Ony have tricked me. But I will show them, I will just take my trains off their rails and go elsewhere." However, other railers saw his trains were made by the Ony and so refused to take them, for surely they had put some curse into them. Meanwhile, the Ony built their own trains again and so had no need for Railer.

Over time, people stopped using the railway but by then the Ony had become very very rich. The rail was torn down and decayed, although someone has rebuilt it, or so I have heard. As for Railer, he spent the rest of his life trying to find the Ony tricks in the train code.

He never did trust those Ony.

When the Lindens came back after Nunchuck departed and torn down all walls, they set to work immediately irradicating all who they considered Griefers. THey felt griefers were the cause of all evil and having fought them for centuries felt they could spot one as well as a double hawk.

They pegged the Ony as griefers, for they were much different and had the strangest of ways. Those close to the Lindens whispered in their ears, "Those ONy cannot be trusted within an inch of your life. Better that you eradicate them for the better of everyone in this world." And so Philip and the other Lindens set to work. But the Ony had not done anything wrong, so they could not take any real action. "They must be tricked so we can do the right thing," whispered Raynier, chief of the whisperers. "Qeosi is too clever for his own good, he will fall into our traps trying to escape them."

Now, Qeosi was no idiot and he had his own people and spies in the court of the Lindens and well understand the way the wind was blowing. "People hate us now, and we have not done any wrongs. We should try and exercise caution for a while."

Raynier, however, was masterful at traps and laid many for Qeosi. One day Gardener Smit found all of his sweet potatoes gone, and only when Qeosi gave him a tour did the blame lift from the Ony. A princely sum was transported across the land with light guard. One particular builder slapped his Ony apprentice around before firing him without warning. Qeosi seethed, for he wanted so badly to strike back but could not without ultimate retaliation falling upon him.

One day, an idea struck him, and he set to planning and executing his grand plan.

Qeosi hired his people out as adfarmerjacks, going around and chopping down ad farms to make prims. "We are just doing civic duty, for look how ugly these ad farms are!" Qeosi exclaimed.

Raynier could not let this get far, because she needed the Ony to be viewed as villians, not volunteer slaves. So she insituted her own volunteers who worked much harder than the ony. She trumpeted, "The Ony only were helping the adfarmers, while we are actually getting rid of them!" Gradually, Raynier's volunteers took over all of the work. "Oh, I am ruined!" Qeosi cried! "For sure we are ruined!"

But in secret, he was glad, and proceeded with the next phase of his plan. He snuck around the back of the Linden castle, and planted the most ugliest ad farm the world had ever seen. It marred the entire castle, which took up some seven sims. It grew fast and large in the shade of the castle's walls. Planted ages ago by an ad farmer who accepted Qeosi's suggestion and planted it there. After two weeks, it was quite visible from Philip's window. So Raynier's volunteers were called in.

I should also explain the layout of the castle. The walls are first a wall of wood, then a wall of iron mesh, then a wall of solid granite, and then a wall of code. The wood was a good primary boundary, the iron was strong and resisted battering rams and the like, the granite blocked light arrows and some cannons, and the code was code. The way the ad was planted, it was between the iron and granite. Ad farms can get quite large and heavy, and this one was no exception.

Raynier's volunteers came and chopped down the ad like they had all of the rest. However, when it started to fall, it was so heavy that it breached the granite wall. And it was so tall it went and reached clear round the castle and knocked a good fifth of it into the ground. The volunteers fled for fear of retribution.

The lindens were very angry and Raynier was furious. "Qeosi has gone and made me the fool, but I shall get him yet." And so Raynier made it her goal in life to get revenge against the Ony. To this end, she managed to get Philip to start a formal court inquiry into the matter. Qeosi was dragged to the King's chamber.

Philip called Qeosi before him, and asked, "Qeosi, there seems to be a large hole in my castle." "That was my observation too, my lord," Qeosi said, "if only you had let the Ony take care of such a delicate matter." "I know you had something to do with this, you lying cheat. Out with it. When did you sneak in?" "Why, my lord, I take offense, for I have never been near your grand halls." ANd when they checked the security orbs, indeed, he had never been there, and the ad farmer who had planted it was long since banned and gone.

So Philip stopped his campaign against the Ony, although he never did completely trust them and still fell victim to the Whisperer every now and again. So Qeosi taught his people all kinds of tricks, the best in the world, tricks of every kind to evade and annoy the Lindens. And to this day, the Qeosi and his Ony have never been caught.

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