Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Grid's Finest

Today, I thought of a great idea for a new superhero comic. It is based upon Second Life and would feature the Lindens as the hapless protagonists trying to create a better world. Literally.

Since I have no ability to draw whatsoever (I once drew a picture of my brother, who thought it was a picture of some hairy can of Dr Pepper riding a scarlet loaf of pumpernickel) and my only writing ability is blog posting, which also happens to be my only actual portfolio of any writing at all, I would probably never be hired to publish it. And that is a shame, because all things considered it really can't get any worse than Superman and Batman. By the way, talk about an ego trip. "Super" man. Like the fact that he can fly and shoot laser beams directly from his retinas wasn't clear enough.

So, since I lack the attention span to write actual scripts, I'm going to give you the basic semblance of a few plots I thought out early this morning.

"The Grid's Finest"

Issue #1
In this exciting pilot issue, we are introduced to Philip Linden, a superhero that granted himself the powers of being a superhero in Second Life. He starts his career fighting lag and trying to earn notoriety on Wikipedia. But things go horribly wrong when Griefer McGreifsalot arrives and rezzes out a prim penis!

Issue #2
Philip uncovers a plot by Griefer McGreifsalot to post a Youtube video of two Second Life residents having cybersex. Can Philip reach him in time and save Second Life from negative PR?

Issue #4
In this heart warming episode, Philip Linden is on the trail of a puppy who lost its way. For 60 emotionally packed pages, Philip pursues the poor pup through a trail of traps, dungeons, lag, and an offline sim. Then, Philip realizes that children 18 and younger aren't allowed in SL, so he bans the child who asked him to help find the puppy. For good measure, he also bans the puppy. A tough decision!

Issue #5
The child returns! This time using his parent's credit card, The Helpless Child joins forces with Griefer McGreifsalot in a scheme to bring down the entire grid. Can Philip overcome his good heart and ban the child??

Issue #9
Griefer McGreifsalot escapes from the cornfield. Philip, in a heart pounding adventure, pursues him in the neighboring potato farm. Jimmy Carter guest stars as "Friendly local man who happens to resemble Jimmy Carter".

When interviewed about this issue, Carter said, "They wanted me to be a peanut farmer, but I felt that was cliche. So I asked them, 'what about potatoes?' I think it really changed the pace of the story and I am proud of that."

Issue #10
Griefer McGreifsalot escapes from the cornfield. Philip, in a heart pounding adventure, pursues him in the neighboring peanut farm. Jimmy Carter guest stars as "Friendly local man who happens to resemble Jimmy Carter".

To quote Carter: "I felt we needed to get back to basics. Peanuts. And griefers."

Issue #11
Griefer McGreifsalot escapes from the cornfield. Philip, in a heart pounding adventure, pursues him in the neighboring cornfield. Then, he realizes a pattern and decides to blow up the entire cornfield.

Issue #12
Philip has to deal with the consquences of blowing up the cornfield. Second Life suffers a famine, many families assault him with charges of blowing up their loved ones, and Griefer McGreifsalot gets off due to Philip forgetting to read him his Miranda rights. The pain is accented when Blue Linden reminds Philip that as a private company they don't have to read anyone their rights. A very touching scene involving Philip and a baguette leads to him regaining his sense of justice and duty.

Issue #16
Torley Linden is introduced. By day he is Torley Linden. By night he is ... The Tutorial Maker! Philip, realizing Torley's secret superhero identity, must team up to stop the Malicious Mentor from telling a hapless group of newbies that Second Life sucks!

Issue #19
All of Second Life suffers a blackout. Trouble strikes as The Child strikes again and Philip cannot log in!

Issue #20
Torley laments that Philip sees him only as a tutorial maker, and decides to film Philip saving the day. Unfortunately, he videos Philip changing from his alter ego Philip Linden into superhero Philip Linden! Torley must delete the video before Griefer McGreifsalot finds it!

Issue #21
Peace has reigned in Second Life for almost a week. Philip, bored, decides to slip in as an alt and have some fun. In reality, this is a thinly veiled attempt to have a bunch of babes and hunks run around in thongs to boost falling readership.

Issue #22
Philip wakes up with a massive hangover.

Issue #25
Second Life celebrates its 3rd birthday. But Griefer McGreifsalot causes trouble, and Philip has to duck out of the festivities and save the day!

Issue #28
Philip discovers the Grey Ghoul! At first he attempts to contain it, but he becomes curious and decides to run tests on it. When the lab explodes and the Grey Ghoul grows and grows, threatening to crush everyone in the grid, Philip is forced to admit his shameful secret: Griefer McGreifsalot released the Grey Ghoul. Despite his protests of innocence, Griefer McGreifsalot is banned, and Philip saves the day and his reputation.

Issue #30
Griefer McGreifsalot comes back... with a vengeance! He kidnaps Torley and threatens to have him executed at dawn! Philip scours the grid while Blue Linden find the two in the basement of the lab. Blue beats the crap out of Griefer and then asks him how Griefer thinks about the current state of the grid. It's a cliff hanger as all three forget Torley duct tapped in the basement.

Issue #31
Pressure is put on Philip as Prokofy, chief editor of the Second Life Daily Times, begins to investigate just who Philip Linden is! After much suspense, the day is saved when The Second Life Daily Times office building is destroyed by Griefer McGreifsalot. Philip catches Griefer McGreifsalot and slips him a twenty for saving his secret identity.

Issue #32
Prokofy discovers that Philip paid off Griefer McGreifsalot to destroy his office! As his investigation draws closer to the truth, Philip decides there is only one course of action, and decides to release the Grey Ghoul. Griefer McGreifsalot is blamed once again and once again the day is saved!

Issue #35
Copybot is introduced in this tale of horror! Philip, running up to fight Copybot, is startled as it copies Philip and throws Philip's superhero powers back at him! Even worse, everyone cannot tell the two apart! As the grid burns, the question becomes: WHO WILL SURVIVE?

Issue #39
The Child comes back, this time in an actual child avatar! Philip has to stop him before SL residents become freaked out!

Issue #40
It's a hot summer day and lag on the grid mounts. Despite his best efforts, Philip is confounded and his sidekicks Blue and Torley are forced to take over the Big Job when Philip succumbs to a crash! Can they solve the mystery before the economics report has to be skewed!?

Issue #41
Philip is still out and Copybot returns! Blue and Torley must team up to stop the menance!

Issue #42
It is becoming increasingly likely that Philip is not re logging. To make matters worse, some people are connecting the dots between Philip Linden and his mild mannered secret identity Philip Linden, both of whom have gone missing! To make matters even worse, Griefer McGreifsalot finds the Grey Ghoul!

Issue #43
A new hero arrives! But is she all that she is cracked up to be??

Issue #44
As the mysterious heroine sacrifices her life to save the grid from the Grey Ghoul, Blue and Torley are busy trying to determine whether or not to get rid of the current orientation island.

Issue #45
Philip returns! As a joyous crowd greets him, Philip delivers his explanation: "I was in the bathroom". Festivities are interrupted when Lag Muffin crashes the party... literally!

Issue #46
The Ghost Prim makes her debut. Philip Linden discovers the severed head of one of Griefer McGreifsalot's alts. Soon, the grid is in fear as this masked vigilante begins systematically annihilating the grid's worst elements. Philip must hurry, for when the clock strikes twelve, The Ghost Prim's work will be completed, putting Philip out of a job!

Issue #47
Ghost Prim, having eluded Philip Linden, discovers Griefer McGreifsalot's main account. As he begs for mercy, claiming to have reformed and that he didn't actually kill anyone and no harm was done, Ghost severs his head with a rusty golf club. She then places his head atop a pole at Orientation island to warn newbies of the price of crime. Can Philip stop this menace?

Issue #48
Prokofy and Philip team up to discover the secret of Ghost Prim! Just who is she?? As the number of crashes plummet and lag almost disappearing, time is running out for Philip Linden!

Issue #49
Philip and the gang confront Ghost Prim. Blue is taken out with blow to the forehead, while Torley is distracted with a newbie asking for help. Forced to face Ghost alone, Philip gears for the fight of his life!

Issue #50
As the memorial service for Griefer McGreifsalot is held, a new masked villian, Dirigible Don, attacks! No one is surprised when Ghost Prim kills him five minutes later.

Issue #51
Vigilante Ghost Prim is still on the loose, doing Philip's job nine times more effectively! As mild mannered CEO Philip Linden, Philip discovers the Ghost Prim's secret identity: Sar4h Hax! He is torn between stopping a vicious criminal and allowing her to continue the fight against crime!

Issue #52
As the memorial service for Ghost Prim is held, rumors arise that Philip did not just 'accidently' drop a titanium I-beam upon Sar4h Hax's head. A web of deceit, lies, and surreality is delved through as Philip uncovers the deadly truth! Can he stop the real criminal in time to save Blue Linden from Sar4h's fate??

Issue #54
Trouble abounds when Chief Justice of the Supreme Court John Jay serves Philip a subpoena on the case of Sar4h Hax's death. When Griefer McGreifsalot's son, Alabaster McGreifsalot, serves The Honorable John Jay a subpoena of his own, Philip shows Jay the power of true love as he beats Alabaster to a merciful pulp. In exchange for L$ 5,000,000 , Jay agrees to suspend the investigation, much to Prokofy's chagrin.

Issue #55
The current issue! Philip and the Gang convene at headquarters to discuss a somber topic: who will replace Philip when he dies or stops logging in due to boredom? At first light hearted, Blue and Torley take the Replacement contest too seriously in an attempt to win the coveted top spot! Both are foiled when Alabaster McGreifsalot wins! They team together to uncover the hideous villain to Philip! In his gratitude, Philip decides to deny both of them and appoint M Linden as his replacement.

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