Sunday, February 10, 2008

A Rezz Day Introspection

Last night was Jurin's Rezz day party. It's amazing to think that someone who has accomplished and sacrificed so much for the 'community' (such as it is) was still under a year old in Second Life. Then I turn around and realize it is 2008 and the people from 2006 and 2007, considering stupid and resource hogging newbies when I started, are becoming part of the old farts hanging around the grid.

One noticeable feature was the sheer amount of Lindens present. I saw Mia, Joppa, and Kate and I am sure there were others that I missed. The old joke is that Jurin is Linden-elect, only waiting to be sworn in to the Almighty Lab. Who knows, it could be possible. But then I really thought long and hard about it (all of twelve minutes!) and I realized that it would never ever happen. You probably think I am out of my mind but let me lay out some reasons why before you tear me apart.

1) Jurin is Nice

Jurin is a kind soul. She spends nunchuck only knows how much tier on newbie communities. I've almost never seen her utter a nasty remark on anyone. Hell, she donated land for the Chrine at Windermere. She's not perfect by any means, but considering the average behavior of people on the grid she's almost like Jesus.

And that is why she cannot be a Linden. Lindens are evil and cruel. They delight in banning people. They eat babies. They crash your sims when you are trying to host a party and they hit you with lag when you are trying to build or do something productive. Jurin would never be able to do that. She does not have that capacity. I've tried my hardest but she won't even accidently on purpose push someone off a cliff or cage them. It's just not in her. And unfortunately, being mean is a requirement for being a Linden.

2) Jurin has a soul in the first place

Everyone knows the Lindens are something like the Borg. The Borg, for those living under a rock and have never heard of Star Trek, are a race of machine cyborgs who mutilate people and turn them into drones of themselves and they do this until you kill them or they assimilate everything. No one in the Borg has any spirit, they all walk, talk, and think alike.

Lindens are like Borg. They do not have souls. They all somewhat walk, talk, and think alike. If you have a disagreement with one Linden and beg another one to review the case, they will certainly agree with each other and ban you anyway. They don't have souls, that is how they can be so cruel (see point #1). Studies are underway examining if they start with souls and lose them or if they really do lack a soul from birth.

Jurin has a soul. Therefore, she will never be a Linden.

3) Lindens are Stupid

Lindens are not very bright. Take a look at some of the policies and actions they have taken (or not taken). For centuries they placed ad farms under 'freedom of speech'. After three years and thousands of dollars in exhortion by ad farmers, the other day they FINALLY banned them. I bashed my head against the desk, saying "Took long enough took long enough". It's mind numbing. They are very intelligent (coding the world ain't easy and neither is passing college as I assume they all have), but very obtuse when it comes to actually interacting with this world of ours.

Jurin has a brain. I guarantee she would have taken a stance on ad farms in March 2007, a month after she signed up. And that's just a single issue. Who knows what other issues would have been done and over with Jurin at the helm? She doesn't need Ph.D in Informatics and Computer Engineering, just some common sense.

4) Jurin spends time among the common folk

Jurin will actually talk to and engage other people in conversation. That is, she makes friends outside of the scope of her work. THis is underheard of among Lindens. They only come inworld to grace us with their presence at office hours, and even then you can't be sure if they are really listening or just sitting there AFK. Jurin listens and actually communicates with people.

5) Because Jurin Linden sounds pretty awkward

Jurin Linden does not quite roll off the tongue as well as Jurin Juran.

There you have it. I believe the evidence is more than sufficient. Given the above, Jurin can never be a Linden. To be honest, you could really use this list with pretty much anyone and this is probably why there are so few Lindens.

And for the Linden Bots reading this (because I know Philip trawls the internet and examines all SL blogs), yes. I totally went there.